Wow, it has been a long time. Sorry about that. Days are long and tedious and mad. I'm doing my best. The reason this blog isn't updated often is mainly that it isn't incentivized. My other blog pays me in monthly Amazon gift cards. While that isn't exactly enough to pay a bill, it is at least something. This blog is instead reserved for rants or times when I have more to say that should fit in an easily digestible social media post.
Earlier this week, I shared on facebook a status regarding Biden's historical support of the conservative talking points regarding RoeVWade in contrast to Bernie's support even in the 1970s of a woman's right to choose. Two old men, one of whom happens to be one of my most beloved teachers, swarmed in for the kill, throwing insults and berating me while insisting that I must at once only focus on Biden's history as it concerns being a great statesman and ignore all the conservative stuff, trusting him to have improved on everything else. He's the only candidate, they're sure, and how dare I dislike him.
And it brought me back to ninth grade, when we were asked to deliver our political opinions in class, and my non-republican perspective was only listened to for all of 20 seconds, long enough for everyone to realize it wasn't going to be OMIGOD-SO-BUSH-CUZ-JESUS-YES, before they all began speaking over me. They weren't talking to me, just among themselves at a loud enough volume that I could not even hear myself by the end of it. The teacher, a conservative republican herself, did nothing to stop them, instead sitting and smiling to herself. These were her people. These were her clones in miniature, and I was not even allowed to be heard in their presence.
Thanks to CoVid19, my daughter has been home for the last 2 weeks and we haven't been getting out. On the contrary, we're staying in and teaching here and there when we can because the alternative is not having money for food. Otherwise everything is great but my nerves are frazzles. My non-clone who is definitely in miniature is only six and every other minute we're having a breakdown over something I would have been able to manage if I had enough time to collect my thoughts. i no longer have that time. I have extended periods of hiding in the bathroom and listening to audiobooks, but not enough time to relax the mind and come back to the problem, and every single problem is the end of the world.
But I'm trying to take my daughter seriously and help her through these things when I can. I'm not shouting over her. I'm not ignoring her. The tantrums don't always make sense to me but I care about her feeling heard in a way that those kids, that teacher, and the old men on my facebook post just do not share. They're not my parents of course, but I consider this more an act of courtesy that I feel isn't afforded to me.
I didn't shout down the kids in the classroom and I didn't bother to engage with the old men until I had a little energy to spare, at which point I skimmed their ranting comments and supplied my own succinct one: Congrats guys. You win. I won't be sharing any more political things. I let it hang there for a couple of hours, long enough for the less endeared of the two men to untag himself from the comment, and then deleted the entire status.
What I didn't note there is that I also won't be voting. In addition to the likelihood of foreign interference in the next election, I can't be sure that my vote from abroad even gets counted anyway. There are ways to make sure your ballot is received but half of the times I have tried to vote from here have gone awry anyway, once with the ballot being returned to me, uncounted, in the mail after the election ended. It's a lot of fuss to go through to try to be heard in a situation where I won't be heard anyway.
I will not vote for Biden or Trump, not just to spite these two other old men I know on social media, but because Biden is a bad candidate and Trump is worse. My vote for Hillary didn't count for much either. I'd rather not compromise my morals this time to vote for a man who doesn't mind making young women uncomfortable in the way of a creepy uncle you're forced to sit next to during a family reunion. Being a woman who has actually been sexually assaulted, I don't dig folks in power who think women are put there as non-consensual potpourri. He's never been accused of rape the way trump has, but that does not make him a good choice. Not-A-Rapist is not the same as Good Candidate.
I was going to vote blue, no matter who. Now, I'm just not going to bother. I was informed once again that my opinions just do not matter, reminded that the things that put me off are utterly inconsequential, and I think that's enough for me to be done with the whole process. If Bernie pulls of a miracle and winds up on the ticket, I've still for months to register and apply for my ballot before any deadlines are due. Last time, I compromised and went forward with a candidate I had little faith in and it meant nothing. This time, I am at least going to have my dignity at the end, maybe.
