There's the harsh reality that is Japanese winter-- with humidity that guarantees any uncomfortable temperature sinks into your bones in addition to the perpetual feeling that your socks are soaking wet. At least that's what I get.
Then there's the reality of the American presidency, which better journalists have explained and re-explained the problems with. There are too many. Books will be written about this, but probably not by me.
Also, I'm lonely. I have friends who I see online and others who I see in person and my entire sense of worth is not derived from someone else making time for me, but a couple of individuals have moved from being central figures in my weekly schedule to occasional drop-ins if by some miracle the timing should suit them. This is not wrong-- everyone is doing what they should be doing-- but it hurts to feel cold and alone.
Except I never am alone. The three-year-old Julia is always with me, and I try my best to spend a few hours a day focusing on how great it is to have this time with her and getting her to maintain interest in subjects for us to study...and then I need alone time I don't get or an adult conversation I might get the chance to have in a couple of days if I'm lucky and it's just all a bit tricky.
But that's my normal mental state.
On the up side, we've made it past the halfway point of winter and I rejoice in every extra minute of daylight I can find. Sunset in my part of Japan in winter is around 4:30 PM at the worst part of winter. It sucks.
Friday we leave for the snow festival in Yamagata, after much debate and scheduling and re-planning and frustration. Yay! Except we've barely got money to cover what needs to be covered. I think we'll be alright, but it makes me nervous.
In addition, I've been needing to clean and organize the house in preparation for The Dolls, Julia's Hinamatsuri collection, which we should be setting up around the 8th. Having spent the last week oscillating between stressed and depressed, I have yet to find the time to make the cleaning happen. We'll see. After that trip. I did organize 1 thing today, and that was better than last week.
If all else fails, my mother-in-law will set them up at her place, where there is more room and less likelihood of Julia smashing them to bits.
On the upside, I have made progress in a video game. Finding the reality (esp of the states) terrifying/horrifying, I have made it a point to spend a little more time in the world of fiction when I can. I don't really have the time to engross myself in a novel when Julia is around-- my attention must be divided and that does not make for fun reading-- but video games tend to be interactive enough. Pity I tend to play somewhat violent ones, but I'm trying to only play the less violent parts around my little sponge.
She started counting the dog-snake hybrids in Fallout: New Vegas. They are vicious and should be scary, but what does Julia say?
"One, two. Two bad doggies." To which I agree.
On the upside, I have made progress in a video game. Finding the reality (esp of the states) terrifying/horrifying, I have made it a point to spend a little more time in the world of fiction when I can. I don't really have the time to engross myself in a novel when Julia is around-- my attention must be divided and that does not make for fun reading-- but video games tend to be interactive enough. Pity I tend to play somewhat violent ones, but I'm trying to only play the less violent parts around my little sponge.
She started counting the dog-snake hybrids in Fallout: New Vegas. They are vicious and should be scary, but what does Julia say?
"One, two. Two bad doggies." To which I agree.
Yes, my child. Two bad doggies. But mommy has a plasma rifle, so don't worry. They'll be one big mass of green goo soon enough.
Also, I'm no longer afraid of those creatures in this game. Leveling up has advantages.
If I could just find a way to do that outside of virtual space....
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