To Be (Friends) or Not To Be...

Is it bad that I still don't play well with others? 

The most negative thing on my all-A report cards in elementary school was that. Does not play well with others. And I blamed myself. I didn't fit in, and couldn't. When the other kids were playing, I was over-analyzing, thinking too hard about things later proved inconsequential. It later occurred to me that the other kids weren't trying to exclude me usually, and that my sad attempts to fake a normalcy I couldn't understand were off-putting to say the least. Sometime around puberty I gave up the charade and decided to just be me. That was the best possible answer and I try to stay true to it, but ...

Fast forward the better part of a couple of decades and I'm living in Japan, in a culture that I don't know how to get on in. Maybe missing out on those developmental years of friend-making popularity stuff took a toll.

But I do have friends. Not many that I keep up with constantly, but a bunch. I have some close friends in my town or in the vicinity (other foreigners, mostly), and a few I see weekly online to catch up. Others I hear from every few weeks or month or so. Some in Japan I only see once every few months, but when we hang out, we have a great time.

I am satisfied with my number of friends and generally with the amount of closeness to them.

But what of friendship with other moms, the way Japanese moms tend to do? Why not find some people with similarly aged kids and go have fun getting to know them? Great for my Japanese ability, great for my daughter, great for everyone!

Except I don't want to. I have no drive to do this, Is this horrible?

One of my best friends is also a mom, and her experience has helped me tremendously, so I am not knocking having mom friends, but I don't really care to make friends with people only because our kids are around the same age. That's not enough common ground and can breed scary levels of competition and gossip over meaningless crap.

Or maybe it's just the outsider in me refusing to attempt another team sport.

Recently, I made a new acquaintance, another foreign woman with a Japanese hubby living long term in the land of the rising sun. She introduced me to a facebook group for similar folks and that is so awesome that I invited all friends in similar situations to join it, just in case they need the help and friendship they may not have in their given area.

I realize the long-term Japan thing is a huge challenge, and without a network of friends and family, it is all the more difficult, so I implore any lonely foreigners out there to go out and make friends. Do what I can't. Don't let yourself down.

Meanwhile, I am going to try to raise my daughter and keep the friends I have, wherever they run off to.