Blue Monday

Today was not my best day.

On 5 hours of sleep, I woke up and chatted with my mom before running Julia across town to music class, where she spent the last half of the time period running away from me. The saddest part was that she would do the dances well standing across the room from me, the same ones she refused to do when I was near her.
Yeah, it's about time for Kindergarten.

For some reason, with only 4 kids including Julia in a class that used to be at least double that size, I started thinking that maybe they had all quit because of us-- because my style of parenting doesn't lend itself well in this country and that I have no idea how the parents of the other kids get them to sit there patiently and calmly when mine is wild, even when disciplined-- and then I felt guilty and ashamed and like maybe every single thing I do here is wrong and maybe I don't know how to get it right and maybe it doesn't even matter.

That's about the time a chunk of falling depression hit me hard on the back.
I didn't cry, even after the class. I did walk home in a fog of weirdness, but I still caught some Pokemon, so my mood improved a little. We hit the grocery store where I picked up bento lunch for us and Tomo who was sleeping in at home. We headed back and ate a bit and relaxed. Then my sister-in-law and I skyped for a bit.
Tomo got weirdly testy and then had a nap, so he was probably grumpy from lack of sleep.

Julia did not have a nap. I still want a nap, but now I've wasted the last 2 hours writing half a (different) blog post I might never finish and none of my story at all.

It's not even 5PM yet and I am exhausted.

So I guess I'll go and try the nano again.
Hugs to you, people. Hugs to you.