Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Stuff that has Happened

I do mean to write here more frequently, and usually get distracted by a dozen other things. Parenting and teaching eat a lot of energy. Suffice it to say I am surviving.

Complaints of the day:
Tuesday I noticed my appetite had vanished. This for me is a cause for alarm as it's usually the sign of a major depressive episode coming up and I don't want it. I couldn't point to any direct causes so instead I started trying to take better care of myself. It turns out teaching small children for an hour is great cardio and mental stimulation. I felt better afterward, until I got home and felt slightly nauseated for the rest of the day. That feeling dissipates now only when I am thoroughly distracted by teaching or sleeping. At least I have a job I like.

It wasn't until Wednesday night that it occurred to me that I might be anxious about my sister-in-law giving birth. I chatted with my mom, who is in the middle of the induction affair currently underway and that alone managed to calm me to the point of getting to sleep.

Being this worked up over a baby on the other side of the world in a time when I can offer nothing but text if they happen to be looking at a phone or computer isn't entirely logical but is also in its way just desserts. What exactly did my family and friends go through 5 years ago, when I was confined to Japanese hospitalized bed-rest for half the pregnancy? I didn't even get to tell them when I went into labor because I gave my purse to my mother-in-law who wouldn't have been able to a) use an app on my smartphone or b) do so in English to communicate with my family. They had to be nervous for me, too, and they had to, as I have to now, put some level of faith and trust in the decisions already made and the help they are already receiving.  It's scary, but it will be okay.

I also realized two days ago that one of my back molars has partially shattered, leaving a gaping hole in the enamel that seemed to occur literally overnight. Chewing on that side isn't as painful as I would have expected and the tooth isn't stabbing into anything else, as a wisdom tooth on the other side did when I was teaching high school 11 years ago. While I know adulting for me in this position is sucking up the nausea and walking over to the dental clinic to make an appointment today, I don't think I will. Not until my niece is out and my sister-in-law is safe and well. Not until I can guarantee that this issue is anxiety and not something more contagious. Not until I know I won't accidentally vomit on the one dentist I trust in this country to do the job well, kindly, quickly, and while treating me like a person.

So today I am writing and relaxing as much as I can. Hopefully that helps distract and relax me until everything else settles down.



Other things I did recently:
During Golden Week I visited a haunted-looking abandoned amusement park with a friend and took creepy pictures for fun. I also moved all the furnishing's from Julia's then-bedroom (former nursery/tatami room) to her new bedroom, and moved everything from that "spare" room into the tatami room. With the last day of Japan's week-long holiday, Tomo, Julia and I went to Yamagata where we climbed the 1,050 steps of Yamadera (a temple on a mountain) and I saw wild Japanese monkeys for the first time in my nearly 11 years here. Then we went to Lina World, a tiny amusement park that was practically vacant and therefor a lot of fun. No lines, lots of little rides that Julia could enjoy, even a 2 story Hello-Kitty-themed carousel that was playing an orchestration of a Gackt song.

So we had a good break, and things have been mostly well, aside from the anxiety and nausea and all that.


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